what a relief…
yes… i have finally done with my Final Year Project…
well not exactly done.. my program is half way done… and i have yet to print another copy of the documentation to be submitted as the hard bound copy..
ah wel at least one worry in my mind is gone. anyway next week i have two more project to complete… well that is next week.. now i need to get some much needed sleep.
just a few more days, it would be my bf’s birthday. i better remind myself to get him something since it would be the last birthday that i would be celebrating with him
just a few more weeks and i would be having my exams and after that its christmas and also the last time i am ever gonna celebrate christmas with him as well.
the end could not be avoided. but it was a wonder how time flies when u do not want it come so soon. i have been dreading the end for so long and it is about to come true. sometimes i wish time would just stop at the moment that i was the most happy when i was with him. i just dont feel like goin home but just want to spend that moment with him.
i hate the fact that i am no longer goin to be his gf. i also hate that i have no one to talk to anymore. no more calling him in the middle of the nite talking to him, ranting abt my life to him.. no more comforting hugs and kisses from him when i just feel insecure and feeling ugly at time..
hmmm… breaking up with someone so close to you and after being with that person for some time is very difficult. it is like losing a part of yourself as well. i do not know how life would be after the breakup.. i am sure i am goin to be miserable.. mopping around.. just being depressed… well at least i have something to look forward to next year…
i have my graduation next year.. then i am planning to travel a bit. visit a friend in singapore.. (better remind myself to get a passport first) get a job.. get a new bf (hahaha rite like that is goin to happen) well i dun think that would be happening.. maybe i just go out with some guys that is all..
i am not in the right mind/mode to be getting into another relationship after this one.. maybe not for a few year or maybe not ever.. people have been telling that i would find someone else eventually and dont lose hope in finding another. i dun know about that. my situation is quite complicated… i am in religion that i do not believe in . i cant get out of it and i do not want the other person to convert intomy religion…
complicated?? told you so.. sometimes i wish i just dont have this burden.. i just want to be able not to feel anything so that i wont be able to fall in love and feel attached to anything.. but i cant.. it is just not me.. what am i gonna do? what do i wished to do after this?? before this i wanted to study and get my degree done so badly and its hard to even imagine that i am sooo gonna graduate soon. just this last month and i am done..
i always plan ahead.. but becoz of this breakup the plan is just went down the toilet. i thought me and him could have a future together.. was imagining getting a place to stay with him, buy furnitures, live with him and all.. but that hope now is gone all gone.. nothing anymore.. right now, i just need to plan my life again.
what am i goin to do in the next 5 years?? let’s see..
1. get a job (preferably not in malaysia)
2. move out and stay on my own (preferably far far away from my parents)
3. get a cat
4. lose 30 lbs the most and keep it off
5. grow a herb garden
6. get a car, laptop and my own place
7. travel to Australia/USA/Europe/China
i think that is all about it that i want to do in the next 5 year or so.. the next 5 year later.. i dun know.. life is too short that you need to plan everything in advance. i just like to have 5 year plans so that it would be realistic.
well.. its wishful thinking.. till then..
