why…..
at last i finished all assignments and projects… that is a relief and also it was worrying coz after that my exams are coming…
my exams fall before christmas. its 4 days all together on 19th, 21st, 22nd and 23rd of December… a real nightmare before christmas. anyway before long everything will be finished and then come January 2006 would be my Final Year Project Presentation. and then i would officially graduate. well results would only be out in March and then the graduation convocation takes place in May 2006..
it was long journey indeed. next year i would have a lot of things and i would have less of some things as well. well first of all, i wont be a college student anymore but i would be working. i wont be penniless anymore since i would be working… (hopefully i learn to manage my money better) i wont be someone’s girlfriend anymore and would have to venture to singlehood again.. probably this time not goin to be prowling for available guys and all. maybe just have couple of fun dates and all and nothing serious.
i wont be staying with my family as well (hopefully i could move out and stay somewhere closer to my workplace and further away from my parent’s house) i would also probably get a creadit card (only one that is all coz i dun wanna end up like my dad) i would also have to get over the fact that i am destined to be alone for the rest of my life while my friends all get married and have plenty of godchildren for me to play with.
i would probably have more freedom to do what i want and i wanna get a tattoo next year, go on vacation by myself, talk to myself a lot more, get a couple of pet hamsters for myself.. so many things to look forward too but yet i feel sad..
why? i am hapy abt the part that i am graduating becoz i cant stand all my friends who has graduated and have a career whereas i am still a struggling student trying to get my degree. so i got one thing settled. but then unfortunately i had to let go of the man i love so dearly after 4 years. that is the part that i do not like. also there are other things as well like having to be more independent and be by myself more nowadays. i was used to being alone and doing things alone till i meet my current bf then things changed from “me” to “we”..
now its hard to adjust to being “me” again.. especially when i walk pass other couples and they would watching movies together, eating together, doing things together.. now i have to do all this by myself. i dun know why.. but it just so difficult adjusting.. maybe eventually i would get over it but i cant help and to think maybe i wont be able to get back to being “me” mode ever again.
i told my best friend about this and she said that if i keep thinking like that i would probably hook up with a guy just as a rebound and use the guy.. i told her not a bad idea.. hahaha… nah i dun wanna hurt anyone. not especially when i know the feeling of being hurt by someone u love. as my current bf has said that it would be easy for me to find another one. but then i told him that it is not easy to love someone..
i was so bored and feeling so lonely that i went to IOI mall just to get the car washed.. i went to McD and read my book and cant help to find that the playpen for kids in McDonald was so noisy… there was irritating small girl shouting on top of her lungs and it was really giving me a headache. what has happened to the world these days? where is the girl’s parents? why are they not doing anything to discipline her?
i used to remember back when i was younger, my parents would ask us to sit down quietly in a restaurant or anywhere that we went and to behave ourselves or else we would get punished when we get home. in restaurants and stuff, we are quiet and sit down and behave ourselves else my mom would shot u a look and u would die on the spot! but now kids are so spoilt!!! kids running up and down in restaurants, shopping malls, bookshops and everywhere… its like their parents just let them run wild and not even bother to control their children.. kids are also every dirty and all that and back when i was younger my mom makes sure that we have a hanky to wipe ourselves and also she would bring a lot of tissue or wipes for us. we were not allowed to look shabby or dirty when we are in public else we dun get to go out.
kids are now really spoilt like my sister! she doesnt have to do a single thing at home and she complains all the time. hello… back when i was her age i had to do all the housechores and if i dun i get scolded and stuff like that but now my mom doesnt do that with her. was is that??? i mean why does my mom practice double standards. it is so unfair. when i was 12 i was already doing part of the housechores.. if not i would just heard my mom nagging and telling her friends what a useless daughter i am.
now??? how abt my sister?? she is lazy and useless and doesnt do anything but complain complain and demand demand all the things that she wants. and if she doesnt get it she would throw a big fucking tantrum.. i wished i could do that and get away with it. it is sooo bloody unfair. that is also one of the reason that i want to move out from my parent’s house becoz i want to make my parents feel that they are losing out becoz without me, teh house would not be so clean and things wont get done as it used to.
i want my sister to suffer and aske dto do all the housechores since i wont be around. at least that would teach her a lesson. she just finished spm and she thinks that is it. she wants to start to work and earn big money and there is no need to study anymore.. hahah she is just naive and really really “katak bawah tempurung” i do not know what would become of her.
enough abt my sister… i am penning off now coz i have a migraine.. till then
