the words up there basically sums up what has been happening to my life recently. despite having to work during the public holidays : deepavali and hari raya, i was really looking forward to my trip back to KL.
my whole family (yes the entire clan) came to penang to keep me company during the festive season. my mom who is a genius, got a place in equatorial hotel and she brought almost the whole kitchen with her.. hahaha first day she was here, i got to enjoy beef rendang. next day i had chicken and beef rendang and ketupat (packed rice). my brother told me that nite, they had fried chicken and nuggets for dinner… all she brought was the rice cooker (was RM40 selling cheap at tesco) and couple of kitchen utensils… my mom is a genius… guess where are the good genes went to.. heheheh urs truly of course…
anyway came back to KL on friday nite, went on shopping spree… its mad.. things in KL is so much nicer.. i dun know why but i enjoy shopping in KL rather than in Penang.. maybe that is why they call KL the shopping haven.. i went to 1 Utama. shopping mall is damn big since they open the new wing.. i never got to walk the entire mall coz it was just too big.. if anyone ever finish or managed to walk and visit every shop in 1Utama they should give that person a cert of accomplishment… coz it just too damn big..
anyway i got some really nice stuff in 1 utama after like walking for 1 hour looking for that shop. i still owe a fren lunch coz he guide me to the location of the shop. out of 5 ppl i asked, only one got it right! hmm even the receiptionist and the security guard do not know the location.. shouldnt ppl who work at the place have knowledge of the place they work at…ignorance or just plain lazy.. its like a sales person should know the details of the product that they are selling. i mean u are selling it u should know what it is made of, location to get teh product and things like that.
it was raining on saturday when i went to KL with a *fren* (notice that fren is with **) and thanks to him, and despite me askin whtr we should bring an umbrella , we didnt bring one out… i know i know i should listen to my little voice in my head sometimes. not only it was raining cats and dogs, i had my credit card eaten by the hungry atm.. i guess it was starving during the holiday seasons. despite all this, i was not even pissed or even down. hmmm wonder why??? well since reading this book by the Dalai Lama called The Art of Happiness, i have learned to shift my thinking. why do we always be mad at ppl or things, it is becoz it made our life a bit difficult.. if we think that these things happen and just shift our thinking so that we are not mad, we be much happier ppl. well it takes a bit of practice and patience to have this kind of paradigm change on our lives. i think i would be able to have a lot of practice on this becoz i deal with difficult ppl in my work everyday.
instead of having that thought of put urself on ppl’s shoes which is taught by every call centers, i should shift ppl’s anger towards me to something more positive. by not taking that person’s anger and madness and make it affect me but to actually channel it elsewhere and to have compassion for that person who is mad. i guess with someone raving mad and cursing on the phone, if u act calmy and speak with a clear sense of what needs to be done, some ppl will actually stop what they are doin and actually listen to you. but then most of the time ppl do not do that.
most ppl would think that their life had been difficult and they want ppl to know their difficulties and that is why they start yelling and cursing and being mad becoz they want to just vent out. it is not entirely ur fault that their pc decided to rebel without a cause on them but just that ppl want to vent out their frustration and anger so that they would feel better. i guess if everyone learnt to shift their thinking like how dalai lama has taught in his book, the world would be a better place to live in.
in the past i have been mad and angry towards ppl close to me, my parents, my siblings, my so called frens and my loved ones… well i do not usually vent out or start showing my anger to these ppl, i normally just suppress my anger. this behaviour is good but has negative effects on me. i was like a bomb waiting to explode sometimes.. so far i have only exploded twice in my entire life becoz i was just so fed up and angry. i guess why i was so angry is becoz ppl around me do not know how the way they treat me is bad and that i was hurt coz i never told them that i was mad and angry. i just suppress my anger. and that feeds in the anger that later became hatred.. in the past i used to wrote on my journal (not online) that i hated my parents, i hated my frens and i hated myself as well.
despite ppl saying that writing can keep u sane and help in venting out, it didnt really help but just made it worse especially when my mom found my journal and read what was written. she became very sad that i wrote that i hated her and that she didnt love me. that is when i stopped writing for a few years until i found blogging.
i think my biggest weakness is that i cared too much about ppl and wish that ppl would care like how i care about them. but normally ppl just do not see what i have done for them and that hurt me becoz i expect them to appreciate what i have done for them. i do not expect anything in return but some action or words of appreciation that shows that that person acknowledge what i have done. at this moment i should just focus on giving and not expecting anything at all. as long as i know i am happy giving and giving. as far as i am concerned i made a difference in ppl’s life in a positive way.
another weakness is that i should learn how to forgive. usually i just forget abt bad things that ppl have done, but i never truly fogiven them becoz one mention of that person who have wronged me, i just start bad mouthing that person which is not good for them and myself.. must learn to forgive..
u guys must be thinking that amy has gone ku ku up there in her brain.. well dont worry the core of amy still very much alive and kicking, a girl still have to vent once in a while and also voice her views on ppl and things that goes around the world…
by the way i am starting to do online novel writing for nanowrimo… hopefully i can finish in time! wish me all the best!
