holiday seasons…
have been in a hiatus for quite some time now. time to break the missing in action attitude amy. yeah yeah.. its the holidays seasons.. a great time to go MIA for a while. just in a blink of the eye and it is christmas today.
imagine at this very moment last year, i went thru the hardest part of the holiday season last year. many things happened last. many things happened this year as well. no longer labelled a student but a young adult ready to venture out the working life. it is not as though i have not been in the working life before but this time it is a lot different.
usually at the end of the year, we normally will reflect on things that happened thru out the year and reflect on things we done, have not done and things to do for the new year. pretty sure that the year 2006 would be a memorable one for me as there was so many things happening in my life that totally changed the course of my life for years to come.
i have officially gotten my degree and then move out from my parents and staying on my own in a different state with a totally new job. that by itself was so such a major change. many people think i was crazy to leave everything i have in KL and move to penang to a new job. i have my family, friends and most of my life was spent living in KL. normally you will hear stories of the small town girl/boy moving to a big city but never of the story of big city girl to a small town. funny right?
well my friends said i was crazy but then they would have known as they know i never do things which is ordinary or sane. in fact even my parents thought i was crazy as they think i would never survived on my own but then as all parents are they never really know their own children. my parents think i am still a small girl with two pony tails. hahahaha…
i just wondered sometimes time really flies when you are living it the fullest. i discovered many things about myself this year. just realised that i am capable of many things and what are my limits in life. finding an identity of myself and what are the next few steps i want to take in life. found peace with old enemies especially with myself. i am my worse enemy really. sometimes i find that i am a double personality kindof person. there is the logical and sensible amy and there is this emotional and fragile amy. beside that i discovered spiritualism that really helped me find peace in myself, my parents and lots of old anger that i normally keep within myself.
i met a lot of people this year who helped me found myself. some good ones, some bad ones… but no matter whether they are good or bad, they tigger a change in my life. like a small ripple on a pool of water and it changes everything.
i am still good friends with my ex. many people were surprised especially my close friends when i told them that i am still in touch with my ex eventhough the breakup was kindof bad. but i think if you know a person for so long (in this case 4 years) and u were close with that person for so long, it would be difficult to just suddenly break off the connection and relationship. although we are no longer a couple anymore, the connection and relationship that we had cant just suddenly be broken apart. what i know now is that i can be his friend and he can confide to me when he needs someone to hear him out. i also wish him all the best in his present relationship with his current gf. come to think of it, i am like a private emotional therapist for him now.. hahahaha maybe i should start charging him… heheheh (just joking lar)
although i do not really understand or talk much to my parents but i am no longer angry towards them anymore. it is really hard for them to understand me and hard for me to even understand them. a friend told me that relationship that had be severed many years ago can be mended but normally it takes one party to initiate the mending process. it is not that i do not want to mend the relationship with my parents but i rather not have my parents know things about me especially some things that my parents (which i know) would never understand and comprehend. it is rather weird when i heard thru the phone when my dad said he loves me and i do not know how to answer him back. as far as how things are goin, i happy that i do not have arguements with them. i only wished that i could helped out with the family matters as much as i can to make things easier on their side.
beside working life, my personal life still remain the same but then i met someone whom i really like. unfortunately life does not always work the way you want it to be all the time. the person i like just wants to be friends which is totally fine with me. hopefully time can change things and always hope for the best. yeah it is hard for to be just friends with a person whom u are fond of and not start thinking abt that person all the time. sometimes women are just so biologically programmed to think abt getting hooked up, married and have kids when they start to be fond of a guy. must be something to do with the biological clock.. its makes women think crazy things… hahahah just found out from my cousin that our other cousin (girl) is getting married. this means that we, my cousin and i both are the remaining girls in the family not married yet. all my other cousins (all girls) are married and some have kids.
my cousin warned me that our grandma (bless her she is 80++) will be targetting both of us soon during chinese new year. time to plot our escapes when the time comes. hahahah we get it every year from our relatives, questions when we are getting married although we told them we do not even have a bf yet. then they would ask when are we getting a bf, we tell them that career comes first as both of us are the only ones that gotten degrees. questions after questions.. this do not just happen only on my mother’s side of the family, it happens on my father’s side of the family.
is there some thing wrong if a girl doesnt get married at a certain age?? so what if we end up being spinsters? sometimes life are just easier and less complicated if you are single. but then being single can be complicated as well if you make it complicated.. well i know coz sometimes i just make things complicated coz i am a complicated kindof a person.. confusing right? which one comes first? me being complicated or me making things complicated?? i dont know… i am getting confused myself. hahahah
anyway at times like this especially during the holidays seasons it is not difficult to find yourself miserable especially when u are alone and all you see are couples “happily” walking in shopping malls hand in hand. i put “happily” coz it is just i see on the surface but we never know the things that goes on beneath.
i guess whether you are single or in a relationship with someone, there are good and bad things abt it. the point is that you have to face it when it comes and no matter what happens, it builds your character and prepares you for things to come in your life. i guess once in a while in a certain point of time in everyone’s life, people experienced loneliness, happiness, sadness no matter.
well seems everything is mellow in my personal life but how abt my workin life? well i like my job but it is has been taking a toll in my life. besides sucking almost most of my time it also sucks up most of the enjoyment for the job. time to move or stay? short of 4 months more before i reach one year on the job. seems that time really flies… many people in my team left and some new faces came and gone as well. now under new management, it seems that they are under fire most of time and who else will get the wrath of it?? all of us under them.
am in sort of a dilemma, if i move back to KL for work and i do not want to stay back with my parents then where should i stay? but that depends where is my next job goin to take me. no way in hell i am gonna stay back with my parents.. hahahaha i like my independence and privacy which i am having now. i only need to conform to my rules… if only things would fall into place then it would be just be perfect… hehehe wishful thinking…
more to write after the new year or maybe prior to that…
