::mindless blabber::

yes yes i know i have been procasinating again and not updating my blog. a lot has happened in the span of 3 months plus. i quit my job in the island and move back to the center of chaos. yes my hometown KL…

back to KL to work with an MNC in cyberjaya and to start UK hours.. which was the opposite of the hours that i doing in penang. after the 1st week, just felt that it aint working and do i really want to work like this which is so brainless. was given some sweet talking by a former colleague to join him in his company and i quit on the 2nd week at my new job to join him.

little that i know that this company that supposedly boasts world class technology and software have chinaman and low level thinking ppl in the top management. but all in all normal raked people like me have to suck it up and make things work. enough about work…

so what has been goin on in my life? and the so called love life if i do have any of those left to redeem… hahaha… people tell me ..cant u at least be optimistic about that and you eventually find the right guy. problem being i have no problem finding the right guy but it is the question whether the right guy wants to be with me at the first place. i am in no position to even say yes or no becoz once i made up my mind abt a guy abnd that he is the right one, anything else does not matter to me. whether he is a slob or he doesnt flush after he uses the toilet.. its really fine with me. once i like a guy i take him for the good and bad and not change him. problem arises when it is the question whtr he wants to be with me at the first place and take me as i am… the complicated situation and all and i have yet to find any guy (if there is any guy which i like) who is willing to go thru the bullshit crap that i would have to go thru.. unfortunately there isnt any.

what woudl most likely happen is this : boy meets girl… girl likes guy.. guy likes girl.. guy finds out girl’s complicated religion situation… guy get scared and wants to be only frens… girl all alone again… this scenario has been happening for a few cycle and seriously i am getting sick and tired of it. it is fated i guess that i would end up alone and just live my life by myself.. maybe from my previous life, i had been such a bad person and now i deserve to be alone and devote my life for the benefit of others instead of myself. the more i think about it, it really sounds logical becoz despite what i tried to do, it just doesnt work out.

as the chinese saying goes, when it is meant to be it would come to you.. else it just wasnt meant to be.

despite any guy would tells me what a wonderful person i am, what a nice person i am, what a good personality, intelligence and funny i am.. the fact is that the religion part is the one that they cant see pass thru me. its always the religion that is the barrier. then you would probably ask why dun you get someone that is the same religion with you then?? well here is where the complications become even more complicated. eventhough i am born with this religion, i am not able to convert out of this religion becoz of the law. unfortunately as well, i am not willing to find someone of the same religion becoz i do not believe in the religion that i was born with and how can i be with someone of the same religion if i dont believe in it at all?? to get things even more complicated, i believe in alternative philosophy of life which might not sit well with people of my religion. see my complications now??

people said you can always move to another country and be together elsewhere… well as usual it is easier said than done becoz imagine this, how can you ask someone that you love to give everything up here and leave their family and friends to be with the one that you love.. i mean we live in the world of realism nowadays… there are no more these kind of die hard romantics anymore. even if there is, it is really not realistic and also hard.. its not so easy… sad to say real life is not like the movies where you see happy ever after endings…

cynical as usual at looking on how things are put to you in life. imagine in life you are given a platter of items and you can only choose some items and not all. some things in life you can live without and sometimes there are some things that you cant live without. but some strong ones can survive thru life without some these things that we think we might be able to live without. maybe it was meant to be that way for me… i may be granted some things in life and in turn i would have to live my life alone… to end this blog there is song that i want to share.. despites how much i tried.. but it aint gonna be like how this song would be.

Gerhana Ska Cinta - Mimpi

Ku ingin terbang ke awan,
Menggapai bintang-bintang,
Dalam kegelapan malam,
Kuidamkan satu taman,
Dan juga mahligai,
Yang indah tak ternilai

Tapi semua hanya khayalan,
Yang bermain dalam fikiran,
Tak mungkin dapat ku bertahan,
Yang tinggal hanyalah impian

Namun ku masih menchoba,
Untuk punya segalanya,
Walaupun bertahun lama,
Smoga kan terlaksana.